


i want to mend your heart

by orphan_account



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 11:00:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everything you touch turns rotten, an inner voice says in his head.





	i want to mend your heart

**Author's Note:**

> we all need this after tonight, folks.

It’s a feeling of emptiness, of numbness he feels. _Why?_ Is just the only beginning of the questions swirling in his head. _Why now? What happened?_ He pushes the palm of his hands against his eyes, trying so hard not to let anyone tears fall. He’s tired to the bone. Physically, mentally, everything in between. There’s a hollow feeling of emptiness in his chest – an ache. It almost feels like a heartbreak.

There’s a bitter laugh in his head as his inner voice whispers, _‘That’s because it is.’_ He presses his palms harder against his closed eyes, enough to make him see specks of white patterns.

He’s tried so hard to be good again. He thought – he thought he finally got the redemption. _Kingslayer_. That’s who is he – or who he was. He doesn’t feel like it. Not now. Not anymore. He doesn’t feel like a good, redeemed man. He feels nothing. He feels like all the bad still is outweighing the good he’s done since. Too many betrayals and too many heartaches caused by his own words, his own hands.

 _Everything you touch turns rotten_ , an inner voice says in his head. And Seth, he can’t disagree with that. Anything he loves for, anything he cares – he destroys. That’s all he’s good for: destruction.

He’s faintly aware that’s alone, the last one still in the locker room since everyone’s gone back to the hotel. He hid for a while, after the show was done, in a dark corner of the backstage area of the arena, just wanting to be alone before he made his way to the now quiet, empty locker room. It’s silent, the only thing that’s making noise is the negative thoughts that are clouding his head right now.

He tries to think where he went wrong. Did he not call enough? Did he not do enough? Should he have done more? _I almost died_ , a voice similar to Dean’s says in his head. _I almost died! Where were you? Where were you, Seth?_

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he whispers to the empty locker room. _You’re never sorry, Seth. You never are_ , the same, familiar voice whispers in his head. _You’ll get what’s coming._

His fingers grasp and pull hard at the lose hair that’s fallen over his face, his palms still on his eyes.

 _Never enough,_ he thinks angrily.

He stands up abruptly, letting his hands fall away from his face and hair and all he feels is anger. Anger at the thoughts in his head. Anger at the ghost of a voice of a man who won’t even face him half the time. Anger, just anger.

He lets out a frustrated cry of anger and kicks one of his bags that’s lying beneath his feet across the locker room. Both his hands are in fists and he wants to go and hunt Dean down again. Demand better answers from him. How can he fix this? There’s still time to repair it. To fill the emptiness in his chest.

“Seth?”

He hadn’t realized how in his head he was because when he blinks – once, twice – Finn’s standing there in front of him giving him a worried look. He feels confused for a moment thinking that Finn had already left and gone back to the hotel.

“Seth,” Finn repeats, taking steps towards him until he’s in front of Seth, blue eyes searching his own brown ones. Finn goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but Seth flinches away on instinct and feels guilty for a second, but when he looks back at Finn’s face he’s unfazed by it, letting his hand drop.

“Seth,” Finn whispers quietly. “Don’t listen to the thoughts.” And Seth’s already aching heart aches a little more. He sometimes forgets Finn’s one of the only people to know him inside out. Knows how he gets, the things he feels. It should feel like a weakness and it would be if it had been anyone else other than Finn who knew these things about him. But if there’s one thing he’s certain of, it’s that Finn’s never been a weakness for him.  

He gives Finn a sad smile. “You know me.”

Finn raises his hand again, but this time Seth doesn’t flinch as it comes to rest on the side of his neck, a thumb stroking his jaw. Seth closes his eyes for a second, relishing in the feel of Finn’s touch. There’s something about Finn that no matter what Seth feels, one touch from him and everything but the feeling of Finn melts away. If he could bottle up that feeling forever, Seth thinks he won’t ever feel like nothing again.

He opens his eyes to Finn giving him a small smile, thumb still stroking his jaw. Seth puts his own hand over the one Finn has resting on his neck, his own thumb brushing lightly over the top of Finn’s hand. Seth swears Finn’s eyes in that moment shine a little brighter.

“How’d you know I was still here?” Seth asks and Finn gives him an exasperated look.

“Seth, I _know_ you,” he says, emphasizing the know. “You disappeared. I gave you some space, but I knew you’d come back here when everyone was gone and disappear in your head,” he pauses for a moment, gives him a hard look. “Don’t disappear in there,” A finger comes up, tapping the side of his head. “Nothing good comes of it.”

Seth lets out a breath, squeezing the hand that’s on his neck, his own still resting there. “I’m just…” he trails off. “I’m trying to understand why,” he says, voice cracking at the end and Finn gives him a sad smile.

“Oh, love,” Finn murmurs and Seth feels the familiar sting of tears burning his eyes and he blinks a few times to get rid of it. He feels Finn’s other hand come and rest on the other side of his neck. “But don’t blame yourself. It isn’t your fault.”

Seth feels a lump in his throat as he nods. He knows, deep down, that none of this is really his fault. Dean’s anger is own, but Seth, Seth’s done a lot to get him there and he thinks he does deserve all the anger from Dean.

“Seth, stop,” Finn says, firmly. “I can tell you’re in your own head right now thinking Dean’s anger is justified, but it’s not, okay? It’s not.” Finn’s eyes were bright before, but now there’s a fire burning behind them. “The past is the past. You’ve more than paid for it.”

He has a hand still on Finn’s, so he gives Finn’s a squeeze, before bringing it over to his lips and giving Finn’s knuckles a firm kiss, briefly closing his eyes. When he opens them up, Finn’s eyes have gone soft, back to their usual brightness. He brings his other hand up, covering the hand with both his own and brings it towards his heart.

Finn, Seth thinks, is good to the core. He has own demons, figuratively and literally, but Seth knows Finn. Knows that Finn’s entire being, soul and heart, are good. There’s not a bad bone in body. Seth is still amazed that he has all of Finn, body and soul, all to himself. No one else gets Finn the way he does.

“I love you,” Seth says, suddenly. He’s said them before, they both have, but this moment, this hollow feeling in his chest quietly being filled with Finn, he has to say it. Has to let Finn know what he means to him. “You…” He takes a deep breath. “You make everything better.” He says it quietly, because it’s just for them, just a quiet moment between them in this empty room.

Finn’s eyes are shining bright, almost like he has tears in his eyes, but they disappear when he blinks a couple times, this time replaced with an all too familiar brightness. Nothing can come close to the beauty that are Finn’s eyes, Seth thinks.

Finn gives him a fond smile, eyes still shining.

“I love you too,” Finn says just as quietly.

Seth feels the hollowness in his chest fill up with warmth. Warmth, from Finn’s smile, words, eyes – everything. He lets go of Finn’s hand and instead pulls the man to him and kisses him, gently.

It’s soft, gentle – a way of him saying thank you for everything. It doesn’t last long, just a few seconds, but their faces are still close enough that when Finn speaks, their lips brush together.

“Don’t get lost,” Finn whispers, a finger trailing down Seth’s temple and Seth closes his eyes again, pressing another kiss against Finn’s lips.

“I’ll do my best,” he murmurs against Finn’s lips.

He knows there’s more to talk about, but for now he’ll bask in Finn’s warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> title from our song by the xx!
> 
> also, i just wrote this in between all the final assignments i have due this week so i hope y'all enjoyed even if it is short! i actually do have a bigger seth/finn fic in the works but like i'm not sure when it'll be posted because exams are coming up and i'm swamped with school and then after exams i'm going on vacation, but i'll try my best! 
> 
> small playlist for this fic located on my tumblr @tillthendbarnes


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